blog-in-the-round: why Jesus?

truth is, the answer changes almost daily.

i guess the best explanation is to start at the beginning. as a kid growing up in church, belief in jesus was sort of assumed. but he was pleasant enough. the songs and stories told me he loved me and could get me to heaven, so what's not to believe in? so, if you asked me as a kid, and most of the way through being a teenager, the answer to "why Jesus?" was probably "why not?"

then i went to college. and life was getting messier, and questions were being raised and for the first time i considered the possibility that it all may be bullcrap. after all, most of the world does not believe the same things about life and God that i do. and here i was borrowing money and spending time to get a degree that gives me the chance to base my entire life on the notion that christianity is true. and i began to wonder, is it?

oddly enough, it was historical philosophical arguments that started the road back. specifically, the cosmological argument. (warning: nerd alert) it basically says that there has to be an uncreated creator. it just doesn't make sense for not to be something that exists that was not created. sort of a starting point for all of life to begin with. that something, of course, could be called God. but even then, why Jesus?

on a good day, i would tell you about how i see Jesus in nature or music or my kids or my friends or the love of my wife. what scripture tells me about Jesus leads me to believe that in all good things, there is a bit of the Divine. like in experiencing music or beauty or good food, we are somehow experiencing God. and i like that idea. i like the notion that one could experience at least something of God in the good things of life. that at least gives us all a starting point.

i could also tell you about how i believe that Jesus and his way of life just has to be true because it is so amazing. the idea that we can change the world through love and hope and kindness and generosity and goodness rings very true to me. we have definitely not done any good by bombing the heck out of each other. so Jesus' message just seems like the best way to live.

other days, however, i think i would struggle to believe. admittedly, a lot of the time this corresponds directly with my circumstances. bad day equals hard to believe in God. (yeah, i know its immature, but what you gonna do?) other times, it just seems so intellectually unlikely. how could there be a God, much less a really awesome God who loves me so much he would die for me? such an idea is either too good to not be true, or it is just ridiculous. and i usually oscillate between the two.

and on those days, i guess i just try to push through and commit myself to believe and follow even when i don't feel like it. so far, i have not heard a definitive voice or seen a sign that tells me that it is all real, so i only have the hunches to go on. some days this is pretty easy, but others it is more of a struggle. so i just try to stay true to what i have committed to and follow anyway. it is not very romantic, and it won't sell osteen books, but it does feel like faith.

"lord, i believe. help my unbelief!"