i shouldn't have to explain why chuck is a real man, but in case you're a pansy, i will educate you.
it is very easy to see that chuck norris is the epitome of being a man. that is the only correct view. some people (matt) will claim that other guys might be more manly than chuck, and that that man might be richard simmons, but some people (matt) are wrong, and tragically so.
if chuck norris were a guitar solo, he would be 23 minutes long and awesome, like from a skynard song. if richard simmons were a guitar solo, you would play that solo on a flute.
if dragonforce and godzilla had a baby, that baby would be devoured whole by chuck norris.
if you need concrete reasons, here are some:
-chuck never talks about his feelings. this is clearly for girls. and chuck is not a girl. see, talking about feelings leads to caring about others, which will soon lead to crying. i don't have to tell you how unmanly tears are. there is only one man who talks about his feelings. that man is Oprah. and nobody wants to be that man.
-chuck solves all his problems by fighting. and that is awesome. real men look for fights wherever they can. it is best if you can win these fights. since chuck norris never loses, that makes him a real man. so don't mess with him. he will roundhouse kick you in the heart and that will be the end of you.
-chuck has killed a man. i know that it was in a movie, and in most movies, the guy isn't really killed. this is so the guy's mommy will not cry. but chuck cares not about mommies, so if he kills you in a movie, you are dead. most real actors view this as the highest honor they can receive, even better than an Oscar.
-he has no mercy on Punks. it is commonly known that the biggest threat to mankind is bears. you may not know that the second biggest threat is Punks. Punks come in many forms, including: street punks like zed from police academy, asian crime syndicates, drunk frat guys, and many others. these punks want to steal our way of life, and chuck stands ready to stop them. and he does not give them second chances. obviously, this makes him awesome.
surely i don't need to tell you anymore reasons, but just in case you can't read, go watch delta force. you can not resist its powers. then you too will know that chuck norris is the definition of man.
(the opinions on this blog are not necessarily the opinions of the author/s of this blog. i know this seems impossible, but it is a mystery that you will learn to live with)
5 comments:
This blog makes me want to go buy a Chuck Norris endorsed Total Gym.
i don't have visual proof of this, but my imagination tells me that chuck norris probably throws like an effing girl.
and i don't really like all the chuck norris jokes. i just don't.
there. i said it.
jesus, i feel better.
Wow.
i wasn't sure how to actually posit that norris was the epitome of manhood, but since that was the challenge laid before me, i had to. hence the over-the-top-ness.
Well I never actually said that you had to say he was a real man. You could have said whatever you wanted to about him. But that was nice...
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