blog in the round: what would my lifestyle be...

...if i were gay.

i am sure that the person who gave me this topic was hoping for some hilarious speculation about how different my life would be if i liked men. and it would be different, at least in that i probably would not be married. and fred phelps would hate me. but isn't it easy to perpetuate stereotypes and poke fun at people who are not like us by playing to the wildest and most outrageous things that we think about them?

and i never take the easy way.

or i try not to. and in this case i thought that maybe an open letter of sorts to the faithful might be the best way to go. so here goes:

dear christians,

gay people are not aliens. that are not so drastically different than us that we can assume they all are dancers. that is not fair to anyone. because after all, they are people. people who love and mourn and have jobs and families and friends and, many times, relationships with jesus. (many do not, because they have been so turned off by our actions) why do we find that so hard to believe? even if you believe that homosexuality is a sin, does that give you an excuse to look on their lives and say that you are better than them? of course not.

i think that we just feel better when we have a common enemy. we like for the world to have easy distinct categories that divide us and assure us that we are the good guys. if we lump all homosexual people into this scary category of "militant, gay, wants to steal our children" then we have someone we can look down on and hate. it makes us feel good about ourselves. the fact is, all people are loved by God and we have no right to set up categories to divide us from them. we have no right to set them into stereotypes that make them a cartoon version of humanity that is easy to despise. that is not what Jesus would do.

so i would suggest that we start by referring to all people as people. not gay people or straight people (or any thing else for that matter). we should recognize that they are people who deserve our respect and that we all are people who are covered by grace and therefore that which might separate us is cast aside as we are drawn to the arms of God. that we should love all people and treat them the way we would like to be treated. and i don't want to be stereotyped as a redneck just because i am from the south. and neither does anyone else want to be stereotyped. we just, i believe, want to be loved.

so love others.

all others.

everyone.

yes, even them.

and them.

them, too.

because you were first loved by God.

the Truth shall set you free

i have heard many things about barack obama. that he is a terrorist. a muslim. the anti-christ. but i just stumbled upon the truth.


From: [Redacted]
To: [Redacted]
Subject: WHO IS BARACK OBAMA?

There are many things people do not know about BARACK OBAMA. It is every American's duty to read this message and pass it along to all of their friends and loved ones.

Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.

Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, "WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL." Click here for video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.

A tape exists of Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a conference on PATRIOTISM.

Every weekend, Barack and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.

Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is STRONG.

Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It's upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.

There's only one artist on Barack Obama's iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.

Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.

Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW.

Barack Obama's new airplane includes a conference room, a kitchen, and a MEGACHURCH.
Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.

Barack Obama buys AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD, a BASEBALL TEAM, and a COMPUTER HE BUILT HIMSELF FROM AMERICAN PARTS. He travels mostly by FORKLIFT.

Barack Obama says that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because they are AWESOME.

blog in the round: would i kill hitler?

my question this week: if i could go back in time, would i kill hitler to avoid the holocaust?

i'm sure many people have wished they could go back and do this. a large part of the church neglected to do much about the holocaust, but a man named dietrich bonhoffer was arrested as part of a plot to kill hitler. was he right? no doubt the world could have avoided one of the most heinous chapters in its history had hitler been taken out before the killing began. so the easy answer would be yes. to take one life to save millions seems like a no brainer. and surely, if anyone deserved to be taken out, it was hitler, right?

the only thing that gets in the way, of course, is Jesus. the whole don't kill thing. if pragmatism were the best way to consider this, the answer would be obvious. sacrifice one life to save many. but Jesus had to go and tell us to love all people. and how can you kill those you are called to love. so as much as it sounds crazy, my belief in Jesus forbids me to kill anyone. for any reason. i hesitate to call myself a pacifist, but it is hard to justify killing in light of what Jesus taught, and how he lived. maybe impossible.

so maybe a better question for followers of the Jesus Way to consider is Would you give your life to stop hitler? that is how Jesus took on the evil in the world. with love and sacrifice. it worked for him. so do we believe that his way is the best way to live? can his love (lived out through us) change the world?

farewell, my friend

so, i found out today that monday i will be starting a new job. (don't worry, kiddos, i am still working at the church, too) to the great pantheon of dorky names my jobs have afforded me (bus driver, fedex man, youth pastor) i now may add Cintas man. i will soon be delivering uniforms and such to businesses in our metro area. the hours are good. the pay is good. the only hitch: my beard has to go. something about looking professional. i will hold on to it for a few more days, and will then unceremoniously lop it off.

so, an homage to my facial hair in all its forms:

















































so long, old friend. maybe we will meet again.

blog in the round: urinal cakes

i am a deceptively complex man. mysterious even. certainly unusual. and surely everybody has quirks. little things that are mostly unknown about them, but which are strange enough anyway. i have a few. i can't walk barefoot in a hotel or condo. (who knows what someone has done on, or to, the floor?) for that matter, i have a hard time using any sliver or glassware from a condo.

weird, i know.

my biggest hangup involves public bathrooms. i can go number one almost anywhere. but for the more serious deeds, i have a few rules as far as public restrooms go. stores which primarily cater to women are ok. most churches are ok. office buildings usually are fine. but never walmarts or gas stations. or fast food joints.

so, what does this have to do with anything? well, i was asked to blog my thoughts on urinal cakes. these are, for the uninitiated, little deodorizing pucks that you toss in the bottom of a urinal to mask the nasty.
this is an example.










i guess my point in all this is to say that no matter how powerful the urinal cake, it cannot mask the hideousness of a public restroom. no amount of smell, no cute name that is also the name of a dessert can change the fact that dudes pee on them.

i guess this is sometimes how i feel. we try to mask our filth, dropping a perfumed puck into the bottom of our selves to try and mask the fact that we are nasty. where has honesty and authenticity gone? why do we act as if we don't stink, when we know we all do? i think it is much better to just be broken and foul and don't hide it, because then, we can be real with God, ourselves, and each other.

"blessed are the poor in spirit..."

the wrath of mom

not my mom, mind you...
(tales of the ballpark)

so far, i have been pretty lucky. 3 years as a head baseball coach (coachin' for my son drew) and not any major parental issues. but now, we're getting there. i am not, by the way, drew's all-star coach. but i soon may be. but that, and the issues keeping an actual coach from coming to more than one practice AND ACTUALLY KNOWING WHAT HE IS DOING are another topic altogether.

there's this kid, and he has parents, of course, and an aunt. and these guardians of his life are convinced, like many other parents, that their kid is baseball Jesus. (i have tried to maintain balance in my situation, not proclaiming drew the savior of the game while also realizing he may be. but i digress.) but this mom (and aunt) have wreaked havoc for 4 years or so by trying to make sure that their son (ands nephew) is viewed as the greatest since griffey to swing a bat, and that he plays 3rd. (why 3rd? if i was trying to get my kid in the infield, it would definitely be shortstop). the thing is, he is not any of these things. i submit that no 8 year old is. he is a pretty decent hitter, a not-good fielder, and slow. that adds up to exactly one tool. which he is still learning to handle. which is fine for a 7 year old. he doesn't have to be baseball Jesus.

anyway, over the weekend, it reared its head. first of all, the aforementioned coach actually let mom and aunt make the lineup for a game we played. a lineup, incidentally, which had the kid at 3rd and batting lead-off. and a game which, incidentally, we lost 22-0. ugly. for the next game, the coach wasn't there, and so i made the lineup and order was restored. we played better, still lost. but i got some nasty looks and comments and the aunt spent most of the game bad-mouthing me to her confidants. (secretly, i was pleased to have pissed her off) and since we are currently at the beach, missing a practice, it will be fun to see what happens when we get back. i'll keep you posted.

i guess if i were to try to extract a moral from this story, which i tend to do, it would be this: even if your kid isn't baseball Jesus, it is ok. you can still be proud of him. because he doesn't seem to care where he plays. and you shouldn't sabatoge a team just so the kid can play the hot corner.

so shut up.