the very end

What do you do if everything you think you know about how your life is supposed to be is suddenly upside down? If what you thought you would do for your entire life (at age 17, admittedly) lost its luster or turned out to be not what you found yourself doing? For a long time, I thought that being on a church staff would be my life, that it would be awesome, and that it would easily pay the bills. I have been on a church staff for almost 8 years consecutively, and it has been good at times, and downright awful at others. And it is currently not paying any bills. At all. In an odd twist of faith, it now is a pretty good possibility that April and I will both be working where we were 10 years ago, before the whole church staff thing. `

Honestly, I am not sure how I feel about the whole thing either. The thought of not being a staff minister is actually kind of appealing. And a little frightening. My college education, and supposedly some “calling” I heard in high school tell me that this is why I was made. (which is way too “purpose-driven” of a notion for me). But as of late it is like it is becoming unappealing and frankly unnecessary.

A book I am in the middle of, Wide Open Spaces by Jim Palmer, says that we don’t all have separate purposes, like Rick Warren would have us believe. That we were created, plain and simple, to be in relationship with our Creator. And that church is not only not necessary for this, it can actually hinder it. While I am not quite ready to give up the whole notion of church, this idea makes sense, and is exciting in the same way the first drop of a roller coaster is. Where you have the feeling like once the bottom falls out, you are at the mercy of the ride. Where the results could be dizzying and exhilarating at the same time. And more and more I am finding echoes of the Kingdom outside of a church.

Case in point. My dear friend, Kevin, has, through no choice of his own, become a regular part of a couple of guys’ armed robbery lifestyle. 4 times in 3 months in fact. The last time, he went home with the barrel mark of an AK47 on his head. As I heard about this, it scared the hell out of me. I do not want to lose my friend like this. And so selfishly, I want him to quit. To find another job. So I don’t have to worry that I will never see him again, or that he will leave behind a wife and 2 daughters. But he has chosen, at least for now, to remain. To hold out hope that his community will not go down the toilet. And to put his rear-end where his mouth is and stick it out and guide his employees through this frightening time. And in this, I see hope and faith and love for others that is the personification of the Gospel. Meanwhile, white churches all over the place flee their neighborhoods when it gets too difficult or dangerous to stay. Which seems right? For my money, it is the guy at the pet store, not the “church” that personifies white flight.

Who knows, maybe to make a difference in the kingdom, at least for me, it will take stepping out of the title of minister and stepping into the world where real people have real problems, and a person of faith can maybe offer some real help. I am both excited and terrified by this idea. If church is unnecessary, then so is the title of professional minister. Will it be enough to try to live out the kingdom in a delivery truck or at the ballpark? It seems like a beautiful possibility.

Here’s to giving it a shot.